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Chicago complains its sister city is ‘like, so totally annoying’
Angered by recent unfair cross-cultural exchanges, the City of Chicago complained about how “so totally annoying and lame” its sister city Bogotá has been lately. Bogotá, the capital of Colombia which...
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Study finds over half of all emails entitled ‘Hey Girl!’
According to a recent study out of Northwestern University, 55 percent of all emails sent last year used “Hey Girl!” in their subject line. This astounding number, totaling nearly 59 trillion emails,...
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Wall Street firms top list of popular baby names
While the nation’s birth rate has declined since the economic downturn, an increasing number of new parents are giving their offspring the monikers of Wall Street titans and the companies they work...
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Congress adds SEC to list of recognized vegetables
Fanning the flames of controversy, on Wednesday, Congress moved to add the Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) to the Federal Government’s list of recognized vegetables. The move comes on the...
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Banks announce fee for thinking about money
Several of the nation’s leading banks announced on Friday that they will soon begin instituting fees for customers who want to think about their money. “We essentially view this as the price of...
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Lucky Charms cereal enters gay marriage debate
The issues of gay marriage, civil unions and gay rights in general entered the cereal aisle recently as General Mills announced its Lucky Charms mascot would be coming out of the closet—complete with...
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YouTube to delete unpopular channels to make room for more pet videos
Less C-SPAN, more LOLcats: that’s the new cost-saving strategy being adopted by YouTube. The popular video-sharing site has announced sweeping policy changes that allow videos with low view totals to...
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Taiwan recalls Jeremy Lin, still plans to increase exports
Despite the recent success of its Jeremy Lin model, Taiwanese officials have issued a recall to address reports of a weak meniscus in the basketball player’s left knee. Taiwan basketball player...
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JPMorgan loses $2 billion in three-card Monte game
Just weeks after losing $3 billion or more in risky overseas trading, JPMorgan Chase announced it lost another $2 billion in over the weekend in a New York three-card Monte game. CEO Jamie Dimon made...
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U.S. life expectancy rises on news of Hostess bankruptcy
The average life expectancy of Americans jumped 2.7 years after news broke on Friday that Hostess Brands will close operations. The Food and Drug Administration, along with the U.S. Census Bureau,...
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